Well this has become a highly eventful birthday!
Half an hour ago, I hear someone going through my side gate and into the back yard, so I grab my keys and head out the front door to cut them off.
On my street are a bunch of blokes in hi-viz looking angry and dodgy as hell. I ignore them and go around the back, where I find someone cowering in my shed. Literally hiding behind my mower.
He's a smallish bloke covered in tatts and fresh bruises. He's clearly had the shit knocked out of him and quite a scare.
He feeds me some cock and bull story about knocking on the wrong door and being attacked for no reason. I calm him down, give him some water and Ventolin when he asks for it, and let him make a phone call. Nobody answers.
He's very frightened of the men on the street. And he's erratic and panicked in his manner. I don't think he's properly in touch with reality today.
He has been hurt, so I'm not going to feed him to the blokes who did that. But he can't stay here.
I tell him I can give him twenty minutes respite, then he'll have to go.
Thankfully, the Police knocked on my door at that stage.
"What's been happening in your street today, sir?" the officer says.
"Funny you should ask," I reply, "there's a guy hiding in my house as we speak."
He peacefully went out to meet them.
Then a new story emerged. He had his house broken into recently. Someone told him who did it, so he went to their house to get his stuff back. And the people there did not appreciate it. And he's on new medication which is making him crazy. And it's not illegal drugs - the last time he had ice was four days ago, he swears!
The Police are firm but also very kind. They want to give him a ride to the hospital, where he clearly needs to be.
He doesn't want to go, afraid it's a pretext for locking him up. The Detective tells him that they just want a doctor to look him over and make sure he's okay.
"You'll take me to the hospital, then let me go? Do you pinky swear?"
He holds out a pinky.
"Jesus, pinky swearing!" says the Detective. "Now it's serious."
She links pinkies with the guy and swears that he's free to go once the hospital has checked his wounds.
The man gets into the police wagon. He thanks me as they pull away.
